Artemis Fowl

This review may contain spoilers!

We're only halfway into 2020 and already I think we might have one of the worst book to film adaptations of the decade on our hands. I would give Artemis Fowl a 2.5/10.

Artemis Fowl follows the titular role as he rushes to secure a magical fairy artefact after his father is kidnapped by a fairy criminal, in this blockbuster human clashes with fairy but unlikely alliances will prevail. While most of this feature really struggles to achieve anything inspired with the plot, I didn't enjoy the set up of the Fowl Manor siege. You really felt that the main role was outnumbered and outgunned which was what made things actually impressive when he positioned himself to still have authority in the face of such odds. I think the one triumph that came out of this film (aside from some performances from well recognised actors) was the visually impressive special effects; you felt transported whenever we were presented with the technically advanced fairy world and I really liked how images of fairies flying or the time bubble looked to the viewer.

Colin Farrell, who played Artemis Fowl Sr., wasn't in this film a lot but brought a seasoned hand to his scenes; Farrell built a strong father/son bond and delivered an insight into a world that felt magic before we even saw magical creatures. 

However, the best performance came from Judi Dench, who played Commander Root. This was a film that thrived when experienced characters were onscreen, and none had to do more leg work than Judi Dench. Commander Root is the sort of gruff, no-nonsense role that you would hope from a military character; grizzled from years of experience and the intensity of calling the shots. I think Dench handled this role really well because you see the moments in which the character can be soft to other roles she likes, or the moments of minute self-doubt in her tactical decisions. This leads to some good character conflict around whether she is still capable of leading her force, having to stake her claim and dig her heels in as the film progresses. Dench is a generous performer who gives time to other performers and seeks out what a scene needs to thrive; the only pity is that the rest of the film didn't rise to the standards she had very clearly set herself.

As someone who grew up reading the Artemis Fowl books there was a part of me being disappointed on two levels; on one hand this failed to even remotely resemble a faithful adaptation, while on the other hand this film failed to satisfy me in any way as a fan of cinema. The film foregoes the more complicated route of having a young criminal mastermind and instead opts for a bland child genius protagonist who struggles to fit in; this leading role fails to ever excite the audience as a title character so this change seems ill advised from the start. The entire film opts to mold a story around a magical artefact that all involved parties are racing to get, there's the usual ticking clock and a big villain in the shadows who is never revealed (probably out of a desperate hope for a sequel). There are several big moments of action but they come across as goofy and the actors struggle to interact with the visual effects crafted around them. The entire direction of this piece feels misguided, like someone has taken a hodge podge of puzzle pieces from five different boxes and tried to make something fairly coherent. The film struggles as a family blockbuster as it lacks charm and humour, every piece of 'funny' dialogue falls flat or is poorly delivered. I watched this movie constantly feeling it might have fit back when features like Spy Kids were a big deal, because it felt like a feature at least a decade behind the times. The cinematography was all over the place, the framing often looking sloppy and not very visually appealling. The score for the feature was about as generic as you could get, a lot of empty sound to try lift things a bit for the action scenes and little more.

Josh Gad, who played Mulch Diggums, has done the rounds with Disney for a littlw while now but this is a role that he really couldn't master; the tough criminal side and Gad's natural bearing towards light-hearted comedy clashed almost constantly in his portrayal. Ferdia Shaw, who played Artemis Fowl, is one of the most lacklustre young performers I've seen of late; Shaw would have struggled with a supporting role and completely failed with the pressure of the main role. Nonso Anozie, who played Domovoi Butler, neither feels like the toughest character in a scene nor seems to have any real sense about the nature of his character; Anozie seems torn between a stoic role and a more comedic performance and this split portrayal really doesn't do wonders. Lara McDonnell, who played Holly Short, had the most potential of the cast but never quite managed to stick the landing as the tough LEP officer; this role probably needed someone older to fit the bill but McDonnell really gave it a solid shot. Joshua McGuire, who played Briar Cudgeon, is a poor excuse for the only true antagonist we get to see; McGuire's highly strung officer just pales next to Dench and doesn't ever feel like a genuine threat. Tamara Smart, who played Juliet, is one of the most unnecessary roles in the film and literally takes up screen time she doesn't need to; Smart's only purpose is to give Shaw another child performer to act against until more main cast can arrive into the plot. Nikesh Patel, who played Chief Tech Officer Foaly, is your usual exposition mouthpiece in lieu of a genuine character for this feature; Patel is now one of the small pool of actors who've had to whinny to portray a centaur, yikes.