Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

This review may contain spoilers!

This movie needs to crawl back into the sewer it came from and just die. I would give Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a 4/10.

This movie had some decent effects visuals despite some very select poor design flaws that I will cover later on. I also have to say that the music as well as the use of music for comedy purposes was pretty solid. The film was even a little self referential in some of it's choices of plot or humour and I have great admiration for that.

Will Arnett, who played Vernon Fenwick, landed the comedic sidekick in this film and he did not strive to be more than that; in some ways his complete sense of cashing it in heightened his role in the film. Noel Fisher, who played Michaelangelo, was a strong comedic character who brought a few scenes down with cheap humour but was also a good representation of the original character.

However it was Alan Ritchson, who played Raphael, that really made this movie. It was very clear who Bay's favourite turtle was in this feature. Raph had this killer and rough edge that was just a perfect replication of the character made so famous many years ago. In fact this character had more fight time onscreen than the rest of his turtle brothers and if that doesn't spell out how good he was I don't know what will.

This movie had some minor visual failures, the one that holds in my mind most strongly was that of the design for Splinter; it was done particularly poorly. The story itself was a slap in the face to fans of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Michael bay should be ashamed of the monstrosity he has created. The origins of the turtles is a bit on the nose and the fact it links to the Foot Clan's major plan only meant that the baddie seemed more minor than he did in the show.

Megan Fox, who played April O'Neil, needs to seriously give up on acting; she's just not getting the message at all and neither is her acting coach apparently. William Fichtner, who played Eric Sacks, did a wonderful job of overshadowing the major villain of the franchise while still remaining oblivious to what his character's purpose was each scene, for example the Japanese history lesson was one of the most confusing scenes I've ever had to suffer. Johnny Knoxville, who voiced Leonardo, was one of the least memorable characters of the entire film which is a shame because he was apparently the leader of the team. Jeremy Howard, who played Donatello, was a horrible stereotype and I was appalled at what they had done to my favourite Ninja Turtle. Tony Shalhoub, who voiced Splinter, has ruined Splinter forever and it was painful to see how much a character can be brutalised by Michael Bay. Tohoru Masamune, who played Shredder, is forgettable which is unfortunate when you're playing the major villain. Whoopi Goldberg, who played Bernadette Thompson, was one of the laziest celebrity side roles I've seen in a Bay film. Minae Noji, who played Karai, was one of the stiffest actors in the film and should not have been added or at the least should have had less lines.